Astrophy doesn't have author privileges yet, and she asked me to share for her! I'm heading into a meeting, so I'm relying on you guys to give her advice and support until I get back!
I could really use some funny gifs or insightful advice from all the amazing women and men here. Basically, as a bunch of you have probably gleaned from recent comments, my relationship with my parents is pretty shitty. They were both physically and emotionally abusive to me growing up. Since then, I've become (I think) a decent person. I'm well educated, pursuing a successful career field and a graduate degree. I've found a partner that is a perfect fit for me, etc. About two years ago, Mr. Astrophy told my parents he was thinking of asking me. They said "Just give us a year's heads up to save for a wedding." He said, "Consider this the year's heads up." He asked me, I said yes. So wonderful. We called them the day he asked me to tell them the "good" news, and my dad answered. He refused to wake my mom up (it was 8pm), and just said, "Uh..wow. That's interesting..." and never once said congratulations or expressed excitement.
So they gave us 2K for the wedding. Before you say that I sound like a rich girl for complaining, please understand that my parents are very well off. They haven't shared that with me, I supported myself mostly through college. Now, I support myself entirely and am well below the poverty line. I budget strictly, and live a very frugal lifestyle, though I keep breaking my food budget to buy period food (gelatoooo). My parents cumulatively make well over 6 figures. They spoil my brothers rotten, throw hundreds of dollars around on stupid things like it's nothing, so learning they wouldn't spare any more really hurt.
They said, "wait a year and we'll give you 10K at least." So, we waited. I didn't want to, but we waited. Then, they told us that they "were just joking" and we couldn't expect them to save money because of course they'd dip into the savings to splurge on fun things.
The past two years have been filled with so many fights, so much heartache. I finally booked a super cheap venue ($1200, which is unheard of in this area), found everything except food and it amounted to $6,000. The smallest food budget I could get was about $10,000 (FOOD IS EXPENSIVE Y'ALL). There's lots in between, lots of lies on their part ("Just book whatever, we'll make it work, stop worrying about money."), ("The 10K is a rough estimate, we can go above it if we need to."), etc. Basically, it came down to this, and I sent them an email last week telling them that Mr. Astrophy and I simply cannot afford 10K when we're paying off student loans, living on a grad school/cook's budget, and desperately trying to pay off his credit card debt. If they couldn't help us any more, we wouldn't be able to have a wedding (I'm the only daughter BTW). It's the one wedding they will pay for in their lives, and it doesn't matter. I heard no response.
Today, I resent the email with a note asking if they had gotten, and I needed a response to tell the vendors what was going on. My mom responded, verbatim, "I didn't think your email warranted a response." I responded, "Well, I guess we'll start telling the vendors the event has been cancelled." No response.
Please allow me to selfishly digress. I know lots of people don't get weddings, don't have parties, etc. But I was given the hope that this could happen and it's been repeatedly taken away. I started to plan a budget wedding with the things I wanted (tent, picnic tables, flowers I grew myself, etc.), and it was taken away. I've been dreaming of this for two years, and it is being cancelled. I'm heartbroken. I feel like I've always gotten the short end of the stick, always gotten the hand me down, used things because I couldn't afford to have anything better. I know that's surprising given my parents' relative wealth, but I didn't get to share in that. It was used to control me and make me feel badly (Ex. I used my dad's GI bill to pay for college because they wouldn't. There's a living stipend designed to help you pay for housing and such while going to college. My parents pocketed that and my textbook stipend and made me pay my way. I think they're the only people who made money off of their kid going to college.)
Now, we're trying to see if we can't have people come out and have dinner with us. But you know the kicker? 50 people are being invited for Mr. Astrophy. Family, cousins, friends, aunts, and uncles. I will have three. No family, and only 3 friends. No flowers, no tent, no lights. No first dance, nothing.
I'm going to be alone on my "wedding day".
PS: Thanks for listening. Your reward is....a picture of one of my cats being bendy.